there was a time
There was a time when people said
That Singapore won’t make it, but we did
There was a time when troubles
Seemed too much for us to take, but we did
There was a time when I believed, as much as anyone else and more, in this song.
In this country.
That was a time, in the past, to be forgotten.
For sometime now I've been contemplating to blog about this. There were many good reasons for me to, and lesser bad reasons for me to. But still, I had to think it through.
However, now, there is no doubt about it.
For I can now, without a doubt, proclaim this as a fact;
I have no feelings but contempt for this "country".
Indeed for the past 20 years I've been proud, to say the least, to be Singaporean.
I envisioned a great future for me in Singapore, working and serving the country, bringing it to a whole new economical height.
I need to detract now to say that even though I had great admiration for the country, I never had much of an admiration for the ruling party. Moving on..
I envisioned myself as a politician who will, no matter how insignificantly, try the best to change the political climate here. Someone to breathe some new and exciting life.
I loved my country.
For 20 years I had watched the national day parade with pride. And it was a great feeling to see the flag flown over the stadium.
When I was younger, I would hang the flag whenever national day approaches and would always try to get my hands on those little flags on a stick and wave it around.
I used to read the "brain-drain" articles on the papers and thought to myself;
"How irresponsible and despicable these people are! Making use of Singapore's stability and education and taking off without much contribution to his mother state"
I vowed not to be one of those.
For I loved the country deeply.
And then.
I woke up from the dream, the illusion.
They say national service is the best time of your life.
No studies stress, no work stress.
They say national service would change your life.
It had surely changed mine.
But not in the way they would have liked it.
Not one bit.
It is not really the fact that I would have to give up two years of my prime.
It is not really the fact that I am not a physically inclined person.
It is not really the fact that I dislike military life per se.
It is not really the fact that I only have weekends available outside.
No. It is not those factors.
For those are just confined to a two years period, a two year period which I had already endured more than half of.
The main culprit is what happens after the two years.
See, for twenty years of my life, I foolishly believed that I would be a free person after serving my two years sentence. At least until I need to go for ICT.
All is well, I assumed, I could get myself a high paying job which requires lots of travelling. Works well for me, as I can't really stand tedious repetitive desk work, travelling is good. I could "escape" most of my NSmen obligations while still based in Singapore, a Singapore citizen.
And then, as I edged closer to my ORD, I did some research on NSmen life.
It was most shocking.
As everybody knows, I am not physically inclined whatsoever. Not so much as I don't want to but I cannot to. And so, I was to be punished for this fact, even after my two years sentence, even if I was still studying.
That's right. Even in a Uni, I would have to report to a camp to have physical training weekly.
Weekly.
That was the deal breaker.
I could and would not accept it!
I had already given two fucking years! And you still want more.
Of course, my resent for the country did not came immediately.
It was, after all, not really the country's fault really, it was just this NS thing.
But then I realised.
I cannot stay in this country anymore.
Not if I want to retain my competitiveness in the market.
Not if I want to advance in my career.
Not if I want to be a global player.
For the time spent in camp could be better spent working, reading, researching, networking.
I figure such opportunity costs was too great for me to give up.
And as it dawned upon me that I could not stay here for long,
The glass house which sheltered me for 21 long years broke.
I woke from my dream, an illusion broken.
I opened my eyes and took a look around.
Everything changed.
Scary at first but I slowly came to terms with it.
Singapore's ugly side was magnified and the pretty side dwarfed in my new eyes.
I no longer love this country.
Patriotism was a thing of the past for me.
And I realised.
I want to leave.
I need to leave.
I have to leave.
---
P.S I did not proofread this entry and this was written in a heat of the moment so the flow may be incoherent but it truly reflects the flow of my thinking then. =)
More is to come on my grand exit strategy.
That Singapore won’t make it, but we did
There was a time when troubles
Seemed too much for us to take, but we did
There was a time when I believed, as much as anyone else and more, in this song.
In this country.
That was a time, in the past, to be forgotten.
For sometime now I've been contemplating to blog about this. There were many good reasons for me to, and lesser bad reasons for me to. But still, I had to think it through.
However, now, there is no doubt about it.
For I can now, without a doubt, proclaim this as a fact;
I have no feelings but contempt for this "country".
Indeed for the past 20 years I've been proud, to say the least, to be Singaporean.
I envisioned a great future for me in Singapore, working and serving the country, bringing it to a whole new economical height.
I need to detract now to say that even though I had great admiration for the country, I never had much of an admiration for the ruling party. Moving on..
I envisioned myself as a politician who will, no matter how insignificantly, try the best to change the political climate here. Someone to breathe some new and exciting life.
I loved my country.
For 20 years I had watched the national day parade with pride. And it was a great feeling to see the flag flown over the stadium.
When I was younger, I would hang the flag whenever national day approaches and would always try to get my hands on those little flags on a stick and wave it around.
I used to read the "brain-drain" articles on the papers and thought to myself;
"How irresponsible and despicable these people are! Making use of Singapore's stability and education and taking off without much contribution to his mother state"
I vowed not to be one of those.
For I loved the country deeply.
And then.
I woke up from the dream, the illusion.
They say national service is the best time of your life.
No studies stress, no work stress.
They say national service would change your life.
It had surely changed mine.
But not in the way they would have liked it.
Not one bit.
It is not really the fact that I would have to give up two years of my prime.
It is not really the fact that I am not a physically inclined person.
It is not really the fact that I dislike military life per se.
It is not really the fact that I only have weekends available outside.
No. It is not those factors.
For those are just confined to a two years period, a two year period which I had already endured more than half of.
The main culprit is what happens after the two years.
See, for twenty years of my life, I foolishly believed that I would be a free person after serving my two years sentence. At least until I need to go for ICT.
All is well, I assumed, I could get myself a high paying job which requires lots of travelling. Works well for me, as I can't really stand tedious repetitive desk work, travelling is good. I could "escape" most of my NSmen obligations while still based in Singapore, a Singapore citizen.
And then, as I edged closer to my ORD, I did some research on NSmen life.
It was most shocking.
As everybody knows, I am not physically inclined whatsoever. Not so much as I don't want to but I cannot to. And so, I was to be punished for this fact, even after my two years sentence, even if I was still studying.
That's right. Even in a Uni, I would have to report to a camp to have physical training weekly.
Weekly.
That was the deal breaker.
I could and would not accept it!
I had already given two fucking years! And you still want more.
Of course, my resent for the country did not came immediately.
It was, after all, not really the country's fault really, it was just this NS thing.
But then I realised.
I cannot stay in this country anymore.
Not if I want to retain my competitiveness in the market.
Not if I want to advance in my career.
Not if I want to be a global player.
For the time spent in camp could be better spent working, reading, researching, networking.
I figure such opportunity costs was too great for me to give up.
And as it dawned upon me that I could not stay here for long,
The glass house which sheltered me for 21 long years broke.
I woke from my dream, an illusion broken.
I opened my eyes and took a look around.
Everything changed.
Scary at first but I slowly came to terms with it.
Singapore's ugly side was magnified and the pretty side dwarfed in my new eyes.
I no longer love this country.
Patriotism was a thing of the past for me.
And I realised.
I want to leave.
I need to leave.
I have to leave.
---
P.S I did not proofread this entry and this was written in a heat of the moment so the flow may be incoherent but it truly reflects the flow of my thinking then. =)
More is to come on my grand exit strategy.